Bushwick Residents Take on the Rat-Squirrel
Ned Vizzini

Bushwick residents know their rats. And squirrels. And rat-squirrels. "It's not a weasel," said handyman Gus, 54, in Maria Hernandez Park, upon seeing a picture of the rat-squirrel, a recently discovered species of rodent from Laos that scientists had believed to be extinct for 11 million years. "Not a rat, not a squirrel--that comes from the rat family, kid." Gus' friend, on an adjacent park bench by the corner of Knickerbocker Ave. and

and Starr St., pointed

The rat-squirrel, as shown to Bushwick residents (AP)

skyward and indicated that the animal lived in an overhanging tree.

"I saw something like that on Driggs Avenue the day before yesterday," said Juan, 42 and unemployed, in traditional camouflage with black sunglasses. On our cuteness scale of one to ten, Juan rated the rodent an eight, and said he would like one as a pet. Other park-goers were less forgiving.

"It's really ugly--[I give it] a one," said Anahi, 10, a student.

"He'd eat all the food," said her friend Jazmyne, also 10. Both agreed--in fact, there was universal consensus--that the rat-squirrel would be more likely to find its former namesake than its latter in Bushwick.

"They got some big rats in this place, kid. Like animals," said Gus.

"There's more rats than squirrels... a hundred millions," said Faustino, 11, Anahi's brother. "Yesterday in the basement I saw a big rat with a long tail and it was fat."

"Like you," Anahi said.

A bodega 20oz seltzer by Maria Hernandez Park, on the Jefferson St. stop on the L, costs $1.00. One stop closer to Manhattan, a large latte is $3.50 at Archive, the coffee shop on Bogart St. and Siegel St. But the retrograde rodent still gets a mixed reception.

"Put a hat on it and a beard and a T-shirt that says 'Fuck Authority' and I serve him coffee every morning," said Ben, 30, an actor. "It only comes in this color? Maybe if it were talking, or holding like a giant cup, I would give it an eight. As is, a three."

Lynn, 22, a barista, was more positive, saying she'd consider the creature as a pet if she knew more about its disposition.

"I've had bad pets. I've had like malformed frogs. I had a shell-less hermit crab."

Upon learning that the rat-squirrel was neither rat nor squirrel, but an evolutionary throwback known as Diatomys shantungensis, the Bushwick community took a more philosophical tone.

"He'd make it here," said Ben. "Anybody in the rat family can make it here."

"Animals are very important," said Gus. "That's what gives us life."